Dear Sirs (because there is no way a woman wrote this manual):
Your handbook is crap. Total crap. You keep repeating the phrase 'using your breast pump should not be uncomfortable' and I would like to declare that utter and complete bull shit. I am here to let all of you know that it is uncomfortable. There is nothing enjoyable about it (and YES I know that breast milk is best and it is designed especially for your child yadda yadda yadda HUSH). It feels like someone is giving you a titty twister repeatedly for however long you can endure the pain. Remember titty twisters? I didn't until I started using this thing. The last time I got a titty twister was before I had noted titty's and I think it was my sister who doled them out and it hurt, like a lot. Why don't you mention how to take the stupid tubes off your boobs without making a complete mess? Hmmmmm? I don't see that mentioned anywhere in your brightly colored instructions! I go from getting a boob squeeze for 15 minutes trying to pretend that whatever is on TV is really really interesting to taking the tubes off my boobs and having little droplets of boob milk land on my tummy or run down my sides. I couldn't figure out why my daughter got so upset every time I put her down and I figure it's probably because to her, I smell like food. Putting her in her crib just pisses her off because I smell like a walking candy isle to her. Not cool people, not cool at all.
Please re-write your manual with testimonials from people like me so then at least the consumers will know what they are getting into. Thanks.
Sincerely,
JSC
Showing posts with label ouch. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ouch. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
My kid's will never wear Spider Man anything. EVER.
I have to share this fun little story that happened on Tuesday. It's wildly entertaining.
As the joys of 2nd trimester continue, one of the best and brightest is always having to go to the bathroom. Like all the time. I drink tons of water so it's a given that I will spend a majority of my day on the toilet. My need to go show's no mercy.
Even at J's baseball games.
At the field on Tuesday, I know for a fact that there is one port-o-potty that is really really really far away. But it's there and I find a little happiness knowing that it's there if I need it. I used it once before and it was pretty decent. It didn't stink, was clean, had a little chart on the side saying when it was cleaned (completely up to date) and had a purell dispenser. As far as port-o-potties go, this one was first class. Big sigh of relief, right?
So Tuesday rolls around and before we leave for the game I am contemplating not going because the Gods hate me and have plagued me with allergies so sitting outside doesn't sound too appealing to me. But somewhere between dinner and Husband coming home and J asking if I'm going (You're going, right Mom?) I decide to go. I had an entire bottle of water for dinner plus watermelon but I didn't think much of it because I had the first class port-o-potty just in case. I'm good to go.
So about 20 minutes into the game I decide that maybe the water and the watermelon combined wasn't such a good idea regardless of squeaky clean port-o-potty. But there is no way I can hold it for another hour. Grrrr.
I drag my ass all the way over to the thing when I am about 3 feet from it this little shit head with Spider Man pajama's cuts in front of me. I'm like Really kid? Fine. I'll wait. So I wait. And wait some more and just when I'm about to tap his Mom on the shoulder and urge her to check on her little blond haired devil, he opens the door ever so slowly. He has this sheepish grin on his face and I notice that he is wiping his hand on his pants. And guess what color was left on his pants after he was done wiping it off? BROWN. He was wiping BROWN stuff all over the front of his pj pants. I'm like OH GROSS DID HE JUST WIPE SHIT ON HIS PANTS????? I'm thinking it can't be true because this kid is at least 4 and should know what toilet paper is right? RIGHT? I really have no choice but to go into the potty because now I waited 5 minutes and really have to go and can't think about anything else but peeing my pants and how dumb it was to woof down 10 pieces of watermelon. So I enter the potty and guess what? THERE WAS POOP ALL OVER THE TOILET SEAT. This little monster successfully wiped his butt all over the fucking toilet seat. Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I'm going to puke. But I have to go pee. So you know what I did? What any other self respecting pregnant lady does: I toilet papered the crap out of the toilet seat and hovered. Duh.
So I get back to the game and I tell Husband what happened and you know what he said? 'How did you hold yourself up with all that weight?'
I just looked at him and my eyes bugged out for a moment but decided the ludicrousy of the situation is sorta funny and decided to take it as a compliment and answered 'With my head propped up against the door of course.'
Readers please note: do not ever buy anything Spider Man for J or this baby because I will promptly burn it.
Thanks.
As the joys of 2nd trimester continue, one of the best and brightest is always having to go to the bathroom. Like all the time. I drink tons of water so it's a given that I will spend a majority of my day on the toilet. My need to go show's no mercy.
Even at J's baseball games.
At the field on Tuesday, I know for a fact that there is one port-o-potty that is really really really far away. But it's there and I find a little happiness knowing that it's there if I need it. I used it once before and it was pretty decent. It didn't stink, was clean, had a little chart on the side saying when it was cleaned (completely up to date) and had a purell dispenser. As far as port-o-potties go, this one was first class. Big sigh of relief, right?
So Tuesday rolls around and before we leave for the game I am contemplating not going because the Gods hate me and have plagued me with allergies so sitting outside doesn't sound too appealing to me. But somewhere between dinner and Husband coming home and J asking if I'm going (You're going, right Mom?) I decide to go. I had an entire bottle of water for dinner plus watermelon but I didn't think much of it because I had the first class port-o-potty just in case. I'm good to go.
So about 20 minutes into the game I decide that maybe the water and the watermelon combined wasn't such a good idea regardless of squeaky clean port-o-potty. But there is no way I can hold it for another hour. Grrrr.
I drag my ass all the way over to the thing when I am about 3 feet from it this little shit head with Spider Man pajama's cuts in front of me. I'm like Really kid? Fine. I'll wait. So I wait. And wait some more and just when I'm about to tap his Mom on the shoulder and urge her to check on her little blond haired devil, he opens the door ever so slowly. He has this sheepish grin on his face and I notice that he is wiping his hand on his pants. And guess what color was left on his pants after he was done wiping it off? BROWN. He was wiping BROWN stuff all over the front of his pj pants. I'm like OH GROSS DID HE JUST WIPE SHIT ON HIS PANTS????? I'm thinking it can't be true because this kid is at least 4 and should know what toilet paper is right? RIGHT? I really have no choice but to go into the potty because now I waited 5 minutes and really have to go and can't think about anything else but peeing my pants and how dumb it was to woof down 10 pieces of watermelon. So I enter the potty and guess what? THERE WAS POOP ALL OVER THE TOILET SEAT. This little monster successfully wiped his butt all over the fucking toilet seat. Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I'm going to puke. But I have to go pee. So you know what I did? What any other self respecting pregnant lady does: I toilet papered the crap out of the toilet seat and hovered. Duh.
So I get back to the game and I tell Husband what happened and you know what he said? 'How did you hold yourself up with all that weight?'
I just looked at him and my eyes bugged out for a moment but decided the ludicrousy of the situation is sorta funny and decided to take it as a compliment and answered 'With my head propped up against the door of course.'
Readers please note: do not ever buy anything Spider Man for J or this baby because I will promptly burn it.
Thanks.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Pity? Party of One?
Well, so much for resolutions. Mine for this year is pretty grand compared to last years and the years before (2008-Don't eat McDonald's, 2007-no pop, 2006-stop smoking). This year I wanted to stay more positive, more optimistic, be more happy.
Shah, that resolution was blown January 2nd. Won't go into details but I will say that there was nothing cheerful about my night.
Thinking that one little night couldn't deter me, January 5th rolled around. Although this story has a silver lining, I can't remember the last time things seemed so incredibly terrible.
We arrived back home from Lutsen on Sunday, all of us exhausted. Super Kid was in bed sleeping by 630pm, me 7pm and Husband 830pm. One would think after 11 hours of sleep I would feel refreshed and ready to go, and I was for the majority of the day, but then 4pm came and I hit a major wall. My head started to hurt, I got all icky frustrated at nothing, and the thought of going grocery shopping was just making it worse. But I had to go. We had no food in the house after being gone. Husband and I agreed earlier in the afternoon to have taco's for dinner so my main focus was remembering all the stuff needed: meat, lettuce, cheese, the taco kit box etc. I pick up Super Kid and head to Target to get taco stuff and other things for the week. Head still pounding. Bags under eyes getting darker and darker. My frustration heightened when I kept running into this lady. Every place I went, she went. Every isle I went down, she was right there. Has this ever happened to you? Normally I don't know if I would have noticed, but this day I did. I smiled at her at first contact but then I just got annoyed. Moving on, I get through the grocery shopping and back home where Super Kid needs to get started on his homework, groceries need to be put away, cat puke wiped up. All of these things I wanted, for no reason, to be done by the time Husband got home. So I'm rushing around and I go in the pots and pans cupboard to grab the meat pan and at the same time open the cupboard where the taco kits are. Upon picking up the meat pan, it's lid which is glass, was sitting on top of it.
Guess what happened next?
It slid off as I picked it up and shattered to the ground. Glass everywhere. I mean everywhere. I had no idea that a lid about 10 inches in circumference, could shatter so far and wide. I just stood there for a second in disbelief. I said 'I can't believe that just happened.' And then a moment later, I look to see that we don't have any taco kits and I forgot to buy one at the store. The next moment I hear the garage door opening. Great, Husband is home and will walk into this mess I have made. So I fly down the stairs into the garage to grab the broom and I blurt out 'I dropped the lid' practically in tears. Poor Husband was like 'What????' I go back in, hands shaking, trying not to completely lose it, and start sweeping up the glass. Husband comes in and sees the mess and I just fell apart. I start sobbing 'I forgot the taco dinner kit' and you know what he did? He hugged me. Right there, in the middle of a glass filled kitchen, hugging me saying 'What's wrong?' and 'It's ok, you didn't know we didn't have the taco kit, we can have taco's tomorrow' and 'we have another lid' For about 5 minutes, I just stood there and cried, and he held me.
All the while, Super Kid is sitting at the kitchen table, doing his homework. At some point, and I honestly don't know when, he slithered downstairs and started playing with his Lego's. I can't imagine what he was thinking.
I cleaned up the glass and decompressed in our bedroom. I came out about 30 minutes later to find Super Kid finishing up some soup. This is what he said: 'Mom, I feel really bad for you that you dropped the lid. Really bad. It's OK though, everyones clumsy every once and a while.'
What would I possibly do without them?
Really, I think I'm the luckiest girl alive. Sure, we all have our icky moments. Super Kids whines and cries with the best of them. Husband gets stressed out and is crabby. But seriously, without these two, I don't know what I would do.
I know this is such a minor thing to complain about and I know other people have much much larger problems than these. This is just one night in the life of me. So I thought instead of dancing around blog postings talking about things that are nonsensical, I would share a blurb of how real my life can be.
So the next time you have a crappy icky frustrating night, you know that you are not alone, and that we are all in this together, going through the same stuff. On some level.
Have yourself a good day...
Shah, that resolution was blown January 2nd. Won't go into details but I will say that there was nothing cheerful about my night.
Thinking that one little night couldn't deter me, January 5th rolled around. Although this story has a silver lining, I can't remember the last time things seemed so incredibly terrible.
We arrived back home from Lutsen on Sunday, all of us exhausted. Super Kid was in bed sleeping by 630pm, me 7pm and Husband 830pm. One would think after 11 hours of sleep I would feel refreshed and ready to go, and I was for the majority of the day, but then 4pm came and I hit a major wall. My head started to hurt, I got all icky frustrated at nothing, and the thought of going grocery shopping was just making it worse. But I had to go. We had no food in the house after being gone. Husband and I agreed earlier in the afternoon to have taco's for dinner so my main focus was remembering all the stuff needed: meat, lettuce, cheese, the taco kit box etc. I pick up Super Kid and head to Target to get taco stuff and other things for the week. Head still pounding. Bags under eyes getting darker and darker. My frustration heightened when I kept running into this lady. Every place I went, she went. Every isle I went down, she was right there. Has this ever happened to you? Normally I don't know if I would have noticed, but this day I did. I smiled at her at first contact but then I just got annoyed. Moving on, I get through the grocery shopping and back home where Super Kid needs to get started on his homework, groceries need to be put away, cat puke wiped up. All of these things I wanted, for no reason, to be done by the time Husband got home. So I'm rushing around and I go in the pots and pans cupboard to grab the meat pan and at the same time open the cupboard where the taco kits are. Upon picking up the meat pan, it's lid which is glass, was sitting on top of it.
Guess what happened next?
It slid off as I picked it up and shattered to the ground. Glass everywhere. I mean everywhere. I had no idea that a lid about 10 inches in circumference, could shatter so far and wide. I just stood there for a second in disbelief. I said 'I can't believe that just happened.' And then a moment later, I look to see that we don't have any taco kits and I forgot to buy one at the store. The next moment I hear the garage door opening. Great, Husband is home and will walk into this mess I have made. So I fly down the stairs into the garage to grab the broom and I blurt out 'I dropped the lid' practically in tears. Poor Husband was like 'What????' I go back in, hands shaking, trying not to completely lose it, and start sweeping up the glass. Husband comes in and sees the mess and I just fell apart. I start sobbing 'I forgot the taco dinner kit' and you know what he did? He hugged me. Right there, in the middle of a glass filled kitchen, hugging me saying 'What's wrong?' and 'It's ok, you didn't know we didn't have the taco kit, we can have taco's tomorrow' and 'we have another lid' For about 5 minutes, I just stood there and cried, and he held me.
All the while, Super Kid is sitting at the kitchen table, doing his homework. At some point, and I honestly don't know when, he slithered downstairs and started playing with his Lego's. I can't imagine what he was thinking.
I cleaned up the glass and decompressed in our bedroom. I came out about 30 minutes later to find Super Kid finishing up some soup. This is what he said: 'Mom, I feel really bad for you that you dropped the lid. Really bad. It's OK though, everyones clumsy every once and a while.'
What would I possibly do without them?
Really, I think I'm the luckiest girl alive. Sure, we all have our icky moments. Super Kids whines and cries with the best of them. Husband gets stressed out and is crabby. But seriously, without these two, I don't know what I would do.
I know this is such a minor thing to complain about and I know other people have much much larger problems than these. This is just one night in the life of me. So I thought instead of dancing around blog postings talking about things that are nonsensical, I would share a blurb of how real my life can be.
So the next time you have a crappy icky frustrating night, you know that you are not alone, and that we are all in this together, going through the same stuff. On some level.
Have yourself a good day...
Saturday, November 29, 2008
We did it!
Sister and I ran in a 5k on Thanksgiving Day morning successfully.
All those weeks of training really paid off. I'm so glad that we did this together. It was so great and having her there gave me memories that will last forever. Plus I beat her. How awesome is that?!?!?!? (Sorry, had to throw that in there. She probably would have creamed me but towards the end she was at war with her hair and that spiraled into having a mini-heart attack or wanted to throw up, more on that below).
I am going to attempt to post pictures but if Blogger starts acting up, this might be published as a partial post. It's early, I have a hangover, and I was woken up by French Kitty barfing up the gorgeous flowers that were given to us by sister all over the hallway. Work with me Blogger, work with me.
Oh, and I normally don't like posting pictures of my actual mug shot but I think it's almost unavoidable. Oh well. Couldn't keep it a secret forever.
We started off the day being the first one's there, which left us about an hour to take some pictures, which helped us warm up:
We found the restroom to be warm and toasty, so we stayed in there for a while, finding peace and solitude amongst the sinks:
More and more people started to show and stand in line to register, I am in there, can you find me?
We still had about 35 minutes so we decided to wait in the truck until the race started (why we didn't think of this sooner, I'm not sure) :
The time arrived for us to stand and wait for the big start, I was so excited!
We were informed that in order to complete the 5k, we would have to run around the lake twice. Here's me the first time around:
That guy next to was like 'lady your crazy' I was yelling. :)Here's me the 2nd time around in almost the exact same spot, I was flying:
Like I mentioned above, towards the end sister was having some difficulties with her hair, which I really think lead to the end of her demise. She wanted to walk off her heart attack, I mean hair troubles, and told me to go ahead. She was kind enough to take a shot of me doing just that:
This was really close to the end. She caught up to me and we kicked up into 5 gear and sprinted to the end. It was so exciting. Even more great was they were playing the song that sister picked out for me for the wedding. Isn't that funny? Of all the songs in the world they could have played they were playing that one.
It was such a wonderful feeling of accomplishment for me to do this and have sister by my side. She didn't have to come with, but she did and that means the world to me. Running in an event like this has been a goal of mine for so long, and I did it. Well, we did it. Together. Thanks sister, I love you.
We took another picture at the end, sweaty red cherry popped faces and all:
Attractive, right?I plan on continuing to run, and hopefully run in more and more events in the future. I have caught the running bug and can only hope to accomplish a 10k, half marathon and full marathon. What? A girl can dream, can't she?
The biggest thing I learned from this experience would be to make sure my toe nails are properly trimmed. The toenail on my 4th toe attacked my middle toe with avengece and this is was what happened:
Can you see on the left shoe on the outside how it looks like it's a different color? It is because it's blood. Literally my toe bled right thru my shoe. Thanks to everyone for cheering me on in spirit!
Cheers!
(side bar: I am going to attempt to publish this now, and it looks fine here. But I have learned that Blogger does weird things when it come to pictures so if it looks f*cked up I am blaming Blogger. Or maybe it's something I'm doing. No, let's blame Blogger).
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Running is hard
So, I started this 8 week program to 'Run effortlessly and with ease' thing. I have graduated to week 3 recently and suddenly things are rather difficult.
The past two times I've been out, I hated it. Sorry, rather strong words for something so new to me, but I can't help but hate life while running. I'm not running effortlessly or with ease. It's more like I am a two ton elephant and every step is not breezy and airy, it's more like a stomp. Followed by another stomp. I don't even think I'm going that fast. I try to keep a good pace without over doing it, but I want to get a good workout in and feel like I need to at least jog faster than I would walk.
I start out the run with a positive attitude, thinking 'this is going to be great' and by the time I get home, my attitude stinks (as well as my feet).
Anywho, I know there are at least a couple of veteran runners who read this lowly blog, so do you have any advice for me? I really want to do this, so I think that is half the battle, but any encouraging words would be much appreciated.
Oh-I have not forgotten about my WOM selections for August or September, I am just waiting for husband to down load some super rad pictures I took of the selections. I know you are all waiting on pins and needles for my advice on semi-decent cheapy wine, so I promise I will post soon about it.
The past two times I've been out, I hated it. Sorry, rather strong words for something so new to me, but I can't help but hate life while running. I'm not running effortlessly or with ease. It's more like I am a two ton elephant and every step is not breezy and airy, it's more like a stomp. Followed by another stomp. I don't even think I'm going that fast. I try to keep a good pace without over doing it, but I want to get a good workout in and feel like I need to at least jog faster than I would walk.
I start out the run with a positive attitude, thinking 'this is going to be great' and by the time I get home, my attitude stinks (as well as my feet).
Anywho, I know there are at least a couple of veteran runners who read this lowly blog, so do you have any advice for me? I really want to do this, so I think that is half the battle, but any encouraging words would be much appreciated.
Oh-I have not forgotten about my WOM selections for August or September, I am just waiting for husband to down load some super rad pictures I took of the selections. I know you are all waiting on pins and needles for my advice on semi-decent cheapy wine, so I promise I will post soon about it.
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