Why I didn't make the US Olympic Diving Team

• I am afraid of heights.
• My squishy gut got in the way.
• I got lost on the way to the finals.
• When I say 'I got lost' it means I was watching Lost.
• I love Lost.
• They don't allow drinking cheapy wine.
• It interfered with my Internet time.
• I was copying something for the billionth time for somebody who could've done it themselves.
• I was too old.
• My arms were too flabby.
• I drooled too much around Michael Phelps.
• I spaced it.
• I was busy making a Minnesota Tummy Warmer.
• I couldn't find a nice swimsuit.
• I was cold.
• Blogger was doing weird formatting things.