For the love of gawd what was I thinking?

I feel like I should point out some obvious things before I start with another fun story:
1) I have been thru labor 2) I did not get an epidural 3) I don't freshly recall a lot of the details except that it felt like I was being sawed in half 4) I never screamed GIVE ME DRUGS 5) It went by really fast but in reality it lasted half a full day 5) I swore up and down left and right that I would never have sex again after it was done.
With those things said, I should have really just thought a little bit harder about my experience because it turns out that just because I don't freshly remember the events, doesn't mean that they are not lingering in my subconscious somewhere waiting to attack. This was proven by last nights events.
I told husband that because I am all knowing in the labor room (taking on a smarty pants attitude about this is not a good idea because I am actually panicking after last night) that we do not need to endure a 6 week coarse or a Saturday Express class on labor and delivery and all of the fine details that ensue. BUT I did tell him if he wanted to, that we could for his sake. The option of not going to the class would be to read some books out loud to each other and RENT A VIDEO. He choose the later. I felt happy. We saved ourselves a precious Saturday and 85 bucks.
Eh-hmm.
Hi, I'm genius, nice to meet you. See, this is where my smarty pants-ness got in the way. I've seen the video and it was gross. It was disgusting. I didn't learn shit from it other than fear. But this was before I went thru labor. And now that I have, I felt like I could weather the video again. It's harmless. I've seen gross things since then (ie Two Girls and a Cup) It would be like watching cartoons or the History Channel. Mind numbing nothingness, right?
WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG
I went to the library last night to check out a labor video and they only had one VHS available. It was filmed in the late 70's early 80's which should have been a huge blaring red sign that I should have just waited for the more recent DVD to be shipped over from the other library. But I figure it was a good night to preview it before laughing at Husband while he watches it (he was out last night). Oh the hilarity I had imagined as I watched him watching a baby coming out of some other ladies vagina and sneering at him 'see what you are going to put me thru?' type comments for an hour. Yea, not so much.
I pop in the VHS into the VCR that I don't think has ever been used and fast forward thru the introductory stuff but begin to notice that this is going to be really hard to stomach because of the 'stars' of the show are hideous. Not like seeing good looking people would make it less horrific, but wait, yes it would've. The 'stars' were probably two of the ugliest people I've ever seen. 1979 or not they were not attractive. They were all...I don't know...hairy. Like everywhere. I mean, if I knew I was going to be on TV, I would at least try and put forth the effort and shave my upper lip or tell my husband to put on a clean shirt. C'mon people.
Anyway, I get to the point where this women is about to give birth and the camera suddenly zooms in about 1 cm from her much needed bush wack of a vagina and I start feeling dizzy. I'm like, uh-oh, I can't watch. I am literally sitting there with one eye closed and one eye squinting behind my fingers in horror of what I am witnessing. Luckily, the nurse lady talked her thru all of it. It went something like this:
"Push just a little bit---good---can you feel that? It's your babies FOREHEAD sticking out of your vagina---ok stop now. I know it's stretching so dr here is going to cut you. Oops, did that sting a little? See that's what you get for not wanting any drugs you hairy fool. Ok, push again, here comes her shoulders! Stop again---hurts doesn't it? We are going to clean out your babies nostrils right now instead of in 2 seconds just so you feel the burn of shoulders stretching out your lady business. There we go. Hey new Dad! Look at your wife's totally stretched out crotch. Sexy isn't it? Here comes your baby's arm---while the rest of her is still in you, our totally obnoxious doctor is going to tell you to look down and force a wave from her to you. Isn't that cute? Ok, big push now! Oops, you pooped a little, that's ok, I'll make sure the guy holding the video camera zooms in on it so everyone can see your shit. Wow, that was fun. While we clean up your baby, we are going to show the delivery of the placenta because everyone wants to see a big blob of alien come out of your bloody crotch. Ok, all done. I'm going to clean you up now. Yum".
Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I'm feeling just nauseous thinking about it.
Needless to say I stopped watching it promptly after this, ejected it out of the VCR, threw across the room and took a shower. I tried to scrub away all of those awful things I just seen but instead every single thing that happened to me during my labor came flooding back into my memory assaulting me in the worst way. I tried to put my fingers in my ears and go lalalallalalallalalallaala but I couldn't stop it. It was like torture.
Husband will not be watching this. It's worse than the Exorcist. I want him to know, but I think a couple episodes of A Baby Story will be just fine.

Humbled,
JSC

2 timer & other things

I have another blog. It's all about the baby.
It's pretty PG, I've got Grandma's looking at it.

This week so far has been exhausting in the sleep arena. Some of it is my own fault but the past couple of nights I will thank my CHILDREN (see I can say that now-weird!). J has been having nightmares not far off coarse from mine. Last night he said that he dreamt an ostrich bit his head off. That was at 330am. Just as I was about to fall back to sleep, Not Oscar kicked and/or jabbed me with all of it's ninja sassiness that I literally jolted forward.
Thanks kids, Mama will thank you later for all this in the form of a nice Hawaiian vacation alone.

On a completely unrelated note, I want to give three shout outs:
1) Welcome Back NorCalMrs. We all missed you and I am glad that at least one of us gets to own and use a passport.
2) Welcome Back VT sister. We all missed you and what you have accomplished is amazing. Especially wearing a bikini to a work dinner party, that takes some balls.
3) Thanks to who ever is reading my blog(s). I try to keep them entertaining and hope you continue following me in my adventures in suburbia. As long as I know there are at least 1 or 2 of you keeping tabs on me, I'll keep writing.

Carry on,
JSC

Names

In the past few weeks, we've been tossing around names for Super Baby. Being as we don't know if this little gremlin is a boy or a girl, our list is pretty long.
Sometimes people name their kids after people they love, places they've been, things they like or just because they thought it sounded cool.
The only stipulation I have about this baby is that we keep it simple. So there is no doubt in anyone's feeble heads how it's pronounced.
With that in mind, I have compiled a list of names that we are considering. It should be fairly obvious which is a boy name or girl name. Use your best judgement and please let me know your favorite:

• Ranch Dressing
• Ketchup (no middle name)
• Dave Matthews
• Not Oscar
• Penny Lane
• Rocket Ship
• Kit Kat
• Chocolate Cake (CoCo for short)
• Forever Young
• Pepto Bismol
• Cutie Pie
• Suzy Q
• Ninja Gymnast

Toodles,
JSC

Sob Fest at 7am

In case you don't know me, or have been living under a rock, I love the Dave Matthews Band. All time fav. I heard this song this morning on the way into work and was singing along to it and by the time it reached the end, I was sobbing. I couldn't help it.

Blech.