Friday, August 28, 2009

Warning

There might be some new lurkers to Paper Castles via the baby blog or from NorCalMrs' blog so I wanted to give them a quick shout out (heyyyyy) and a little warning...
Paper Castles is meant for me to vent without a lot of thought or judgement. About anything and everything. Please know that in reading some of these entries you might be offended, start blushing, or maybe even start sweating a little. Like in real life, I swear A LOT. It's not something that I'm particularly proud of, but whatever, it's just what I do. If you get all uppity about swear words, then DON'T READ THIS BLOG. If you feel like your opinion of me might change by reading some of the entries, then please go back to just reading the baby blog. That is G rated. This is R rated.
One other suggestion, if you really really really insist on continuing to read this, please know that I am not trying to offend you, I'm just being me. I like to think that everyone who reads this is like me: open minded, likes making fun of things, and drinks heavily (I'm tempted to write something about not drinking while I'm pregnant but I guess if you really think I would do that then you have bigger problems then I know how to deal with).
Oh and in my little land of unicorns and fairies, people think I'm hysterical.

You have been warned,
JSC

Thursday, August 27, 2009

FAT

Don't ever feel bad about gaining weight.
I had back to back doctor's appointments this week-one on Monday and one on Tuesday.
Both of the appointments were at 1120am.
The nurse lady weighed me at each appointment and guess how much weight was gained in between appointment #1 and #2?
FOUR.
I somehow managed to gain FOUR pounds in 24 hours. I think the nurse lady felt sorry for me so she said the scale was wrong, then blamed it on the medication I am taking. Husband must have felt equally bad because he tried to blame it on maybe me wearing more clothes at appt #2 then at appt #1 (but really I was wearing the exact same outfit because I don't give a shit anymore). Nice thoughts but I think the root of the problem is with me and my obsession with Twinkies.

Oink,
JSC

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Odd

Remember a while back I told you all about that pregnancy website I belong to that gives you weekly updates on what's going on with you and your baby? Here's the update I got this morning, and it's weirdness is right on par with the other one:

Welcome to Month 8 preggers! You have by now successfully made it
thru most of your pregnancy and the best is yet to come!
Your belly is now the size of a basketball, watermelon or the planet
Saturn. People have taken a keen interest in looking at it and if it makes
you uncomfortable, TOO BAD! Get used to it. This is especially
relevant if your belly button is poked out. So after people get a good
look at your belly, there eyes will float center and gawk at your protruding
belly button. Oh My Gosh! Look! It's a belly button on that
big fat pregnant lady! Look at it again, one more time, ok all better now?
No? That's ok, look again! Good times preggers! Even more fun,
your belly is so huge, that it actually makes your ass look smaller! How
perfect is that??????
In utero, your baby likes to kick, jab and punch. Especially your
bladder ribs and hips. This is a fun game that prepares you to not be
so irritated by your child when it comes out and pukes on you. If your
lucky, your little one will get the hiccups at 3am lasting for at least a half
an hour preventing you to sleep. Hey, think about it this way, you will
look like a whale as well as looking like you haven't slept in a week but your ass
will still look tiny! Whoo Hoo!
Only a few short weeks to go until you get to go thru labor and
delivery! That will be your next update so hang in there fatty!

Isn't that odd?

I'm fat,

JSC

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Ode to Mini Me

I had a chat with little niece M last night, it makes me smile and confirms that her parents got it all wrong when they didn't just name her right after me:

Me: Do you like fajitas?
M: Yea.
Me: Do you like green peppers, red peppers and onions?
M: No, I only like orange peppers.
Me: Ok, either way when you come over we'll have fajitas!
M: Yea, I like potatoes.
Me: What? No, fajitas.
M: What? Cheetos?
Me: No. FAJITAS. Say it with me FA-HEEEEEE-TAAAAAS
M: What? Fa-Rita's? What are those?
Me: Never mind, potatoes it is.

Just goes to show that no matter how awful a nights sleep I have (waking up sneezing, wheezing, scratchy throat, eyes watering, tossing and turning because my hips feet & fingers fell asleep, snot running down my face-yea I'm pretty glamorous) there are still things to laugh about.

Life is fun,
JSC

Thursday, August 13, 2009

I hope you can hear me

Dear Ninja,
It has gotten to the point in your long existence where you think you are in charge of me and I want to remind you that you are not. I am in charge little one and when I say you can't come out, you must not come out. I am dying to meet you, don't get me wrong. I can't wait to see your chubby (emphasis on chubby because you will be in my tummy long enough to acquire chub) little face and inspect all of your toes and fingers. I can't wait to find out what you are, a little girl or boy? I think regardless of your gender, you have taken on your Dad's assertiveness by insisting on trying to make an early debut. And it seems you have taken on my impatience for, well, just about everything in the same regards. Really though, I need you to stay in me, because that's where you belong, at least for another 5 weeks. C'mon, you can make it that long, right? It's nice and warm in there isn't it? I know it's cramped, but you will have many many many years to spread your wings and fly. Just stay put damn it.
Your big brother told me yesterday that he is going to teach you how to spell Mom. Won't that be fun? He's going to be a great big brother and is excited to meet you, but even he says it's too early and he's only 8.
Plus, remember the other night when I was all freaked out and I started talking to you about this and I made a little promise to you that if you stuck around on the inside for the next month, I would buy you whatever you want on your birthday's and I will never ever ever ever ever tell you that Santa doesn't exist? Remember that?
Love,
Mommy

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Diary of a Pig

This is what I had to eat yesterday (now you will see why I am 100% shocked and amazed that I haven't gained about 100 pounds in this pregnancy because I eat like this at least three times a week and have decided that exercise is for show offs):

Breakfast (or what I woofed down between 6am-noon):
Bowl of Multi-Grain Cheerios
OJ
3 honking pieces of Beer Bread
Sour cream and chive wheat thins (at least half a box)
Granola bar
Piece of cheese

Lunch (or what I devoured between noon-530pm):
Pomegranate applesauce
Spaghetti dish (mmmmmm noodles)
More beer bread
Cheetos
Tiki Punch Shasta
Twinkie
Regular applesauce
Cashews
And if that's not enough, on my way home from work I decided that this was absolutely necessary to function before dinner:
A LARGE chocolate dipped cone from Dairy Queen

Dinner (can you believe that I still had room to eat from 530-6pm?):
Strawberries and raspberries
Sour cream and onion chips
Grilled chicken with Ranch (naturally)
Even more beer bread (this time slobbered with a one inch layer of butter)
I thought about eating a HoHo but refrained from the temptation

So yea, I won't be surprised if at my dr appt tomorrow and I step on the scale and it says 'STOP EATING YOU MAD WOMAN'

I'm hungry again,
JSC

Monday, August 10, 2009