Thursday, July 30, 2009

Ug

Dear Insomnia,
Go away. Your presence in my night life is causing great damage to my ability to post new posts for my friends to laugh at. I hate you.
Until you go away, I will not be writing much.
Thanks a lot jerk,
JSC

Friday, July 24, 2009

Hint

We have a strong contender for a girl's name.

It was heard by me in this song.

Although it may not come screaming out at you, it's in there.

Any guesses?

JSC

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Your dumb

Dear person in the red Explorer with a yellow shirt on driving down 169 this morning riding my ass like I was driving any faster or slower than the person in front of me would allow and who continued to try and kiss my bumper all the way to my businsess park and gave me the finger as I pulled into my parking lot,
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFF
ASSHOLE
I hate you and hope you get a flat tire or chipped windshield,
JSC

Does anyone know where I can get one of those yellow diamond shaped things that suction to your window that says Pregnant Lady on Board BACK THE FUCK OFF?
If so, let me know right away or kindly buy me one and I'll pay you back with Thank You's.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

What do you mean I can't have sugar?

I have a dr appointment today where I have the pleasures of getting the glucose test. What's a glucose test you wonder? I'm not 100% sure but I think it means they are seeing if I'm developing gestational diabetes. What does that mean? I don't know. All's I know is that I can't eat an hour before the appointment and I have to 'go light' and not 'gorge myself' on sugar beforehand says my dr.
Um, excuse me, do you know me dr person?
Clearly you don't. Because if you did, you would know that me staying away from sugar is like trying to walk with no feet, making yellow cake without chocolate frosting, or thinking that little niece M is not a complete duplicate of myself (this was confirmed by a story I heard last night about her thinking a conversation about Pop Tarts and ants was actually about cantaloupe---still laughing!).
I love sugar. Me and sugar are friends and if I don't interact with it, it will think I am upset with it and we don't want sugar hurt or sad. How am I suppose to not eat sugar when there is a jumbo size box of Twinkies in the break room that I bought at Sam's Club yesterday because they looked so delicious? How am I not suppose to just open up the one drawer in my desk and not eat an almond Hershey bar? How am I suppose to pretend that a Swiss cake roll isn't in my purse? How am I suppose to ignore the big bowl of candy sitting directly in front of me full of Tootsie Rolls (probably pretty easily being as they are the the last thing I would eat but guess what's in them? SUGAR)? My stomach is growling just thinking about all these things.
I guess I'll just have to suck it up until after the appointment, which I might like to add, is at 1130am. Who scheduled this anyway? Why would you schedule an appointment where you can't eat an hour beforehand over lunch hour? Idiots! (It was me FYI but I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?).
Hopefully I'll survive today, if not, all my worldly belongings (ie ummm, wait, I know I have something, hmmmm, nope...I guess I don't have anything...oh well).

Hungry,
JSC

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I really wish I was joking

We've started the fun task of finding a daycare for Ninja baby. If I could skip this process, I would, but it's something that is unavoidable. If there is one for sure area of my life that I tend to be more judgemental than others, it would come in the form of finding daycares. Rightfully so, these people take care of the most important thing on earth to me.

After some research, I found this lady on my county website, so she was licensed and close by home. Other than her having openings, nothing struck me as extra ordinary about her. She didn't have anything more or less than any other person I checked out. We set up a meeting for this past Monday.
I shit you not, I am not making any of it up. I'm really not that creative at this point.

I google directions and it seems odd to me, but if memory serves me correct, her address is an apartment. I decide that maybe I don't know the area well enough and go anyway. I drive up to the address and it's a house, but it is in fact right smack dab in the middle of about 4 apartment complexes. I'm trying to keep an open mind and not turn around because the driveway up to her house is super bumpy and full of potholes. I look around and see a fenced in yard with outdoor play sets, but there's no grass, it's all dirt. Still going to try. I walk up to the door, with J, and knock. All I hear is little kids screaming 'Someone's at the door!' for about a full minute. Some dude opens it about half way and asks very hesitantly 'Can I help you?' I'm like yeah, do you want to buy some bibles? Just kidding, that's what I should have said. Instead I say I'm here for a meeting with so-and-so and he let's me in. He immediately starts telling me about some traffic jam somewhere in the metro area and I'm like oh that's nice. I can't really hear him that well because there are 3 or 4 little toddlers screaming there heads off and it's echoing. After about 2 minutes, the lady I set the appointment up with who looks like she hasn't bathed or put on a clean shirt in a couple days come bumbling around the corner, baby on hip. She doesn't really introduce herself but starts talking about the kids that are there but they aren't suppose to be or something like that. Honestly I can't remember anything because her voice was really fucking loud. I thought she was just talking loudly because of the kids, but as she's talking, she starts taking me on a tour of her maze of house and her voice never lowered. She was shouting, and I was wincing. Still trying to keep an open mind, she leads me upstairs where I meet her helper person who seemed nice enough but kept yawning. We sit down on a love seat with the loud talker on the the couch. That's when I start noticing things: her house was messy, not dirty, but messy. There was stuff everywhere. She starts talking about her policies and the ENTIRE time she was picking a zit on her chin. I swear by the end of the hour I was there, she widdled a little whole on her face from all the picking. She also had something really weird going on with her bottom lip. It stuck out causing her to drool and spittle when she talked. It was so distracting. J, by this time, is bored out of his gord and she noticed (good sign, right?). She asked him if he wanted to go play outside with her husband and daughter and he said sure. She said he could just go thru the kitchen and out the sliding door. And this is where things went from maybe this chick just talks loud and doesn't like to shower to there is no way in hell I'm coming back here.
J went to the door and couldn't figure out how to open it and asked for some help. She gets up right away (another good sign, right?) and proceeds to walk over to the door. During this short little jaunt, HER FUCKING PANTS FELL OFF. I shit you not, her pants fell to her knees and I got a really frightening view of her underwear. If this would have happened to me, I more than likely would have started laughing and apologize. Not this chick. She just kept walking and talking and babbling about her policies. I glance over at the helper/yawner and she didn't seem fazed by it at all. Like it's normal for her pants to drop at random times. Totally weird. She let's J out and comes back, pants barely back on and from this point on, I stop listening. She could've said Sign up now and I'll pay off your house! and I wouldn't heard it or cared. Sorry, I know things happen sometimes, but if I knew I was having someone come over that might possibly give me money, I would take a shower and put a belt on. But that's just me.
After a while, I take my keys out of my purse and start walking towards the door saying something about dinner and being hungry. I go get J from outside and she follows me, yammering on the whole way. I finally make it in the car and I'm like 'oh my gosh!!!!' and J was all 'What? What's wrong?' Kids...

I have a couple more interviews lined up and for the love of pete, they have to go better than this, right???????
Like I've said before, I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

Pray for me,
JSC

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

SAC weekend

So, as mentioned below, I hung out with my Super Awesome Cousin all weekend, I'm going to call her SAC for all intensive purposes.
We had a grand ole time while she was here.

We ran in a 5k where she placed 9th out of 181 women, and I placed 181st because I walked my pregnant ass around the lake. But I didn't see any other pregnant people out there so technically that means I'm the winner. Duh.

I brought with my 25 dollar Camelbak water bottle because I can't function without it. Just so you know.

We went to the Sculpture Garden after that where SAC and I made almost every single piece of art there into something dirty. Is this wrong? Yes. Were we doing what everyone was thinking of doing? Yes. (see picture in post below). I posted most of those photos on my Flickr site so check them out there. But there is one that I will post here, and it is SAC with a giant piece of turd coming out of a drain pipe:

That's art.

After all that running and sweating and poking fun at arting, we were tired, so we went back to my place and took naps. I love naps and so does SAC. That's awesome.

Our plan was to meet up with MN sister and NAW at McGovern's Pub in St Paul but I (thought) I left my precious Camelbak at the lake where the 5k was. I couldn't find it when we got back so I wanted to check, just in case it was there. (long shot I know but I spent good money on the thing and I'm in love with it). So we go back to the lake and look around for about 20 minutes, peeking in all the garbage's, looking in the bathrooms, along the gutters but to no avail, it wasn't there. Totally bummed we walk back to my car and I wonder if maybe it just didn't roll underneath my seat.
This is where I think the best moment of the trip happened for me. SAC didn't really pick up on any Minnesotan accents, she just picked up on my terrible sailor mouth tendencies. As soon as I looked underneath the seat I seen my beautiful water bottle and exclaim Here it is!
SAC didn't quite share my enthusiasm, says this:
Mother Fucker!!
That's funny.

Giddy with pleasure that I found my water bottle and that I have corrupted SAC's language, we head over the the restaurant and had a lovely dinner with all the free popcorn one can handle.

On our way out, we happened to cross a professional photographer (see: college stoner) and he took our picture:


-------------------------------------
She left the next day, full with the knowledge and influence of my potty mouth and too much food. I had such a great time hanging out with her and getting to know her better. Husband liked her too. How great is that?

I hope the next time I see her it'll be in Philly and she can show me how people are suppose to drive (traffic lights being a mear suggestion) and meet her dogs.

On an unrelated note: You were right, I was wrong, I think ninja is a girl.

Craving apple pie,
JSC

Monday, July 13, 2009

Future post

I have the next post almost ready to go about my weekend with my cousin, but just to tide you over until then, here's a picture to set the mood:


:

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Hi Pretty!


I've seen some pretty cool pictures, but this one takes the cake over anything I've seen in a long time.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Hey bandwagon! Wait for me!

I'll admit it right now that I did not want to read this book. I thought the whole concept of it was outlandish, ridiculous, all about vampires (which I also think is stupid) and geared towards 12 year old girls.

About a year ago a friend of mine, well actually, two friends of mine told me that I would love it. I was like 'I like you girl but your crazy'. But they both insisted that it was a great book that is more a love story than anything else. Every single time I got together with the one friend, she would try to put the book in my purse and if that didn't work, shove it down my throat. I got tired of fighting her about it so I caved and said FINE give me the silly book.

Well, I must say that they were right. 100% right. I started reading it and couldn't put it down. I am now an obsessed cow and will more than likely see the movie (oh my gawd!) and am in the process of obtaining the rest of the books in the series.
Good thing I don't have an I'm always right complex.

Run along now and read it,
JSC

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

A confusing exchange 2

I posted A confusing exchange on my other blog so high tail it over there if you want a little giggle.

I wanted to post a couple of winners here as well:

Boss man: Hey, smell this piece of paper.
Me (excited at the notion of smelling piece of paper for reasons I can't explain): BIG sniff
Boss man: Haahahahahhahaahahaa it smells like fart doesn't it? I got it from (some client) in the mail today and my whole office stunk. I couldn't figure out what the foul smell was and finally figured out that it was this peice of paper. ahahahhahahhaah I can't believe how big of a whiff you took hahahahahhahaha
Me: That's gross. Seriously, my baby is going to come out with webbed feet because of you.
Boss man (moves on to the next person): Hey, smell this piece of paper.

Here's another gem (we were talking about Baby Shower games):

Co-worker: You could play pin the umbilical cord on your tummy.
Me: What?
Co-worker (proceeding to animate playing the game): My turn, here I go! I'll stick it right...here. Oops, that was a little low! Hahahahahhahahahha
Me (blank stare): There's something wrong with you.

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

Happy 4th of July.

JSC