To: Those Guys who wrote the handbook for my breast pump

Dear Sirs (because there is no way a woman wrote this manual):
Your handbook is crap. Total crap. You keep repeating the phrase 'using your breast pump should not be uncomfortable' and I would like to declare that utter and complete bull shit. I am here to let all of you know that it is uncomfortable. There is nothing enjoyable about it (and YES I know that breast milk is best and it is designed especially for your child yadda yadda yadda HUSH). It feels like someone is giving you a titty twister repeatedly for however long you can endure the pain. Remember titty twisters? I didn't until I started using this thing. The last time I got a titty twister was before I had noted titty's and I think it was my sister who doled them out and it hurt, like a lot. Why don't you mention how to take the stupid tubes off your boobs without making a complete mess? Hmmmmm? I don't see that mentioned anywhere in your brightly colored instructions! I go from getting a boob squeeze for 15 minutes trying to pretend that whatever is on TV is really really interesting to taking the tubes off my boobs and having little droplets of boob milk land on my tummy or run down my sides. I couldn't figure out why my daughter got so upset every time I put her down and I figure it's probably because to her, I smell like food. Putting her in her crib just pisses her off because I smell like a walking candy isle to her. Not cool people, not cool at all.
Please re-write your manual with testimonials from people like me so then at least the consumers will know what they are getting into. Thanks.
Sincerely,
JSC