Why I hate...

My breastpump:

1. It's messy

I'm not trying to be positive so you can stick your sunshine up your ass,
JSC

Buzz Kill

I have to go back to work tomorrow.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo,
JSC

Another confusing exchange

Last night at the dinner table, the following conversation took place between J and I (remember, J is 9 years old)

J: Mom, have you ever used acid?
Me: Oh my gawd, WHAT?
J: You know, acid? Like, when you were in college or before you had me?
Me: What are you talking about? Where did you hear about this?
J: My teacher. She told me she did when she was in college.
Me and Husband simultaneously: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
J: Acid. Like in your Chemistry class or somethin'? We learned all about it in Science today. Did you know that there is acid in vinegar?
Me (thankful that my sweet little boy and his teacher aren't talking about hallucinogenic drug use): No buddy, I didn't know there was acid in vinegar. Go on...

Baffling, isn't it?
JSC

To: Those Guys who wrote the handbook for my breast pump

Dear Sirs (because there is no way a woman wrote this manual):
Your handbook is crap. Total crap. You keep repeating the phrase 'using your breast pump should not be uncomfortable' and I would like to declare that utter and complete bull shit. I am here to let all of you know that it is uncomfortable. There is nothing enjoyable about it (and YES I know that breast milk is best and it is designed especially for your child yadda yadda yadda HUSH). It feels like someone is giving you a titty twister repeatedly for however long you can endure the pain. Remember titty twisters? I didn't until I started using this thing. The last time I got a titty twister was before I had noted titty's and I think it was my sister who doled them out and it hurt, like a lot. Why don't you mention how to take the stupid tubes off your boobs without making a complete mess? Hmmmmm? I don't see that mentioned anywhere in your brightly colored instructions! I go from getting a boob squeeze for 15 minutes trying to pretend that whatever is on TV is really really interesting to taking the tubes off my boobs and having little droplets of boob milk land on my tummy or run down my sides. I couldn't figure out why my daughter got so upset every time I put her down and I figure it's probably because to her, I smell like food. Putting her in her crib just pisses her off because I smell like a walking candy isle to her. Not cool people, not cool at all.
Please re-write your manual with testimonials from people like me so then at least the consumers will know what they are getting into. Thanks.
Sincerely,
JSC

BAM! Bitches

I stepped on the scale today and I only have 8 more pounds to lose to get back to my pre-Chloe weight!

hahahhahahhahahhahahaa

BAM!,
JSC