You really should

Go to 1,000 Awesome Things (link is to the left) and read #951.
I'm still laughing.
Mad props to this blog posting for making my icky night un-icky.

Sorry Mom

I went to the dentist for my check up and guess what he told me?

Although not exactly necessary, I should look into getting these back on my front row. Seems as though after years of not wearing my retainer, Mr and Mrs Teeth Numbers 7 & 8 are shifting.

Although most of what dear old Mommy has done for me over years goes unnoticed and under appreciated, I must now take a moment to say two things to her. 1) I should've listened to you when you said "you better wear that retainer---all that money---sigh" and 2) I'm sorry.

Why I didn't make the US Olympic Diving Team

• I am afraid of heights.
• My squishy gut got in the way.
• I got lost on the way to the finals.
• When I say 'I got lost' it means I was watching Lost.
• I love Lost.
• They don't allow drinking cheapy wine.
• It interfered with my Internet time.
• I was copying something for the billionth time for somebody who could've done it themselves.
• I was too old.
• My arms were too flabby.
• I drooled too much around Michael Phelps.
• I spaced it.
• I was busy making a Minnesota Tummy Warmer.
• I couldn't find a nice swimsuit.
• I was cold.
• Blogger was doing weird formatting things.
  

Hi Pretty!

That's just rude

So yesterday I went to a really big chain pet store. I can't remember the last time I was in one,

I'm almost positive it was in OR visiting Sister when super smart nephew wanted to buy something for his rabbit. Or maybe it was his hamster. I don't know, anyway, it was probably about 3 years ago that I entered one. We usually get french kitties food at the Target because it's just more convenient, so again, no reason to go there.

Moving along, yesterday I went there because a co-worker, who has a fish tank in his office, went on vacation this week and forgot to buy more food for his fish. He called and asked if I could go get some and feed them this week. No problem I say. I needed to go out on my lunch break anyway to do some other errands.

I go there, find the food and discover that there is one register open with about 6 people waiting in line. The cashier lady kept calling for back up but she was really hard to understand so I'm guessing that's why nobody rushed to her aid. I'm the last one in line and think oh well, I guess I'll just space out. I'm really good at that. The line is not moving because customer number one had like a zillion questions about her dog food that the cashier was indeed answering, just not very clearly so there was a lot of 'what was that?' 'huh?' and 'can you say that again'. I was STILL IN LINE mind you but looking at a display about 10 feet to my right about dog training classes when the line moved, just a little. And then it happened. I was butted. Some lady, who I am sure seen me, just slid right in line in front of me. It was really strange. I just looked at the back of her head, sortof in disbelief, because how often do you get butted in front of? Isn't it the cardinal rule starting in like 2nd grade to never butt in front of someone?

So I'm standing there, wondering if I should say something, but can't really think of anything to say without sounding like a...well...2nd grader. So I say nothing and just remember that karma is a bitch. And then you know what happened? The back up cashier shows up, taps the butter lady on the shoulder and says 'Ma'am, I can help you over here.' WHAT???? I am the last one in line, wasn't she supposed to tap me on the shoulder?

On a brighter note, mama loves you.

Pictures!

Here are some (okay a lot) of pictures from our mini-vaca at Maddens.

















Somebody didn't want us to go. Or maybe he just really wanted to come with :)





We had to take this bridge from our room (which was fucking amazing for realsies it was massive and totally unexpected) to the dining lodge where we had all meals ready and waiting for us to eat. I am a HUGE fan of breakfast food and the buffet they had set up each morning was so delicious. Pancakes, waffles, french toast, TOAST, sausage, yogurt, parfaits!, oh my I was in Heaven.


For lunch they had burgers, hot dogs, samiches, chips, stuff like that.


For dinners, they had yummy walleye (not as good as yours Dad), steak, potatoes, chicken, asparagus, and the greatest desserts.



This was our view from our room. Every morning, of course at the crack of dawn, I would wake up and go to sleep with this. I'm a huge fan of pictures like this. I guess it's because nobody can ever be there at that moment with me and feel the absolute genuine happiness I felt when this picture was taken. It's happening right in front of you and nobody will ever see this exact moment ever again. Sappy, yes. Truthful, even more so.




I don't know what person thought of making a enormous lawn chair, but props to them for being genius enough to make me feel like a kid again. I don't know if this picture does it justice, but its HUGE. Like elephant huge. I climbed up on it and immediately felt like a five year old. Totally worth it.








I usually don't see husband this happy. In fact, other than our wedding day, I don't think I've ever seen him his this happy. We rented a boat for the day and tooled around on the lake for the entire day. He was just so happy. It makes me a little weepy just thinking about his face and the happiness spread across it. He even woke up when I did that morning. Just so happy to start the day. On the boat. We went swimming and saw a bunch of really fantastic things. Side note: while we were in a cove, me and Super Kid's song from the wedding came on (I'll stand by You) and I had a little melt down because I knew super kid would love to be there. Anyway...on to more of our boat adventure.







Of course I had to drive it, too.








And then I had to do something extremely cool in mid air (work with me here) to prove my awesomeness.








After all that excitement, Husband of the Year surprised me with a rosemary mint body wrap with foot and scalp massage. For those of you who don't know me, I LOOOOOOOOOVE anything mint. It could be a mint toothpick, rock or pair of socks. I would love it all the same. I even had mint cake at my wedding because I narrow mindedly thought that everyone likes mint. Anyway, the wrap was wonderful. How much better can it get than being exfoliated, rubbed down in mint wonderful, and then having 10 layers of warm blankie wraped around you. To quote my friend of all friends: I puffy heart husbands, mint and Aveda wraps. (Another note: I had a picture of the spa sign, but apparently my computer and blogger hated each other this moment so I after 3 attempts I gave up, oh well).







See what I mean about wanting to take pictures of what was happening right in front me? Brilliant!

Ahhhhhhhh

Husband and I just got back from a fantastic weekend at Madden's (courtesy of husbands work). It was so great, really, I'm talking like break-thru type happiness here.

Check out the website for now.

I will be posting pictures later tonight, I can't wait for you to see them.

Did you know...?

Hi Friends of Paper Castles,
So apparently there are a few things going on in this world that everyone but me seemingly knows about. I really think for a good portion of my time here on earth has been spent living under a very large and dark rock. Or maybe I space out so much, that I just miss these tidbits of wisdom. Whatever the case, I will share with you a few things that were truly amazing to me when I found out, so much that I shared the news, only then to feel like a complete dope because I got the now customary 'ummmm yea....didn't you know that?' comment.

For 31 years, I was unaware of these truths:

• You can eat dandelions. Yea, believe me it's true. You can just pluck those little buggers right out of the ground and start chomping away like a goat. Amazing, no? And you know what else? You can make wine out of them. The recipe isn't even that difficult. If husband wasn't so meticulous about our yard looking pretty, I would do it, but I can't because even if one thinks about sprouting in our yard, it is properly disposed of before I can get to it.
• There is some strange phenom going on with Dust Off and teenagers. It really is the oddest thing I've ever seen. Kids are sucking in the frozen air from Dust Off keyboard/car cleaner and getting high for a few minutes. Off of office supplies. It is such a huge deal, that they even have a little picture on the can with a circle slash thru it of some person with the can up to his mouth. I asked a couple of people at work if they've ever heard of it, and guess what, they have!!! WTF? Why don't they just muster up ten bucks and buy a dime bag like I did...oops...I mean...drugs are bad.
• Only ducks that are female are called Ducks. The male species has a different name.
• Marriage is hard. How come nobody admits/tells you this? Or maybe they have, and I just filtered it out because I wasn't. Whew! Let me tell you now, it's very challenging!
• If you eat a lot of junk food, you get chubby. I'm guessing there are some people that know this, but it never happened to me, so I never cared. Guess I should have paid more attention.

Hopefully these nuggets of knowledge will save you from an awkward moment or two.

Bless you and the horse you rode in on.

wtf, why not...

*WARNING*

This post is going to be filled with my ramblings about things that are completely irrelevant, but are bothering me, mostly because I am moody and probably just need to take a Midol. But seriously, what fun is that? It only makes me go back to 'normal'. Who wants to be normal? It's more fun and colorful to have an opinion and make other people listen to it. I'm also not going to go easy on the swears so Mom cover your ears.

I work at the front desk of a very small company. And when I say small, I mean small, as in less than 15. We don't do any hard core selling here and everything we have here, is fine. All the vendors we have are great, they do what they are suppose to and we don't need to upgrade. Anything. Which leads me to believe that the 'NO SOLICITATION' sign on the door is there for a good reason. We don't want any. We don't care what you have or why you have it or who it's benefiting. And these are not my words. My bosses told me this when I was hired. 'We don't want anything so just shoo them away' they said. Them meaning innocent (I'm just being nice because sometimes I feel sorry for them, most of the time they are ass clowns) sales people who were 'just in the neighborhood' or 'just finishing up a meeting with our office neighbors'. It's such an uncomfortable thing for me to try to explain that we just don't want anything. I've tried many approaches, but nothing seems to work. To be honest, I feel like yelling 'Hey dumbass didn't you see the sign? It says no soliciting, meaning we don't want any and we don't want you to try to convince us that we do, so just turn around and go somewhere else you illiterate assholes'. A lot of them even look at the obnoxious sign and just keep walking right in. I guess the stem of my rant is that we usually don't get that many on any given week so it's not that bad, but yesterday, I don't know what the fuck was in the air, but we had SEVEN. Seven different people coming in from seven different companies trying to convince me that we needed Internet upgrades, post it notes, temporary staff, stickers, new office equipment, paper and metal shelving. Oh wait, correction, we had EIGHT. I forgot about the last guy who came in at 4:25. I don't even know what company he was from or what he was trying to get us to 'think about', but he was the boldest of them all. He actually asked to speak to the president. hahahhahahahah douche bag. Too bad our president conveniently closes his office door when he sees anyone come up to the door that he doesn't know so to avoid people like him. So I tell this guy that if he doesn't have an appointment he won't be able to speak to him. So he then starts asking me a bunch of questions about shipping. How much do we ship? Nothing. Who do you use when you do? FedEx. Why don't you use UPS? We just don't. On average, how much do our packages weigh? Less than 5 pounds. How many packages do you ship in a week? Next to none. So he's jotting all my answers down and then declares that 'our needs won't fit in with his company'. REALLY! The nerve. He's was the worst. It's been the same thing at home lately so it probably just makes it more unnerving. The last one at home was some guy and his awkward teenage daughter telling me about how the political aspect of global warming is out of control and it's somehow tied in with his church. Mind you that it is 930am on Saturday and I have my hair wrapped up in a towel and I'm all hot and sticky from just getting out of the too hot shower. The guys hands me some pamphlet, I shut the door and husband says (with all the sarcasm you can imagine) 'Better start reading those.' Ha Ha husband, very funny.

I was curious what the dictionaries definition of solicitation was, and you know what it said?

This: the act of enticing a person to do something wrong.

Interesting, isn't it?

So my next rant will be a little shorter but none the less more important than the first.

Why is it that just because I sit at the front desk, people think it's their business to see what I'm looking at, reading, doing, creating on my computer? Seriously, you have no idea how many times I've been just poking around on the net and someone will come up behind me and say 'what 'cha lookin' at?' Now I'm never looking at anything sinful, this is work after all, but come on. I feel like going into their offices and going around their desks just to see what their looking at. And they all have their computers conveniently facing them, so the back of the computer is facing the door. Jerks.

So these are my irritants of the week, described in full detail for your reading pleasures.

I'm out for the rest of the week, so be safe, be happy (you should be even though I probably won't but it sounds good), and thanks for listening.

Sometimes I feel like nobody does, hence the blog.

Is it Friday yet?

I am ridiculously bored at work today and am doing absolutely nothing but wasting time.
And it's Monday. And including me, there are exactly 3 people in the office. Ug.
On days like this, I usually go to FreeRice.com and spend some quality time there so my brain doesn't rot, then I go to the usual websites: Yahoo, MSN, local newspaper, kids school website (always hoping to see my little monster on there but haven't yet), weather channel.com, Pandora.com (totally great music website and it's perfect for people like me who haaaaaate listening to radio stations on the Internet because of wacky and unusually long commercial breaks with the mind of its own volume). I also lurk around on various blogs, because what's more fun then seeing what other people are doing without their knowledge? Ahhhh, not much. (Did that come across as creepy? A little bit huh. Well I really didn't mean it that way and I suppose I could just backspace and delete that I do that, but what fun is that? Whatever).
Today I ran across this blog.
I am going to dedicate #982 to my lovely counterpart. This Bud's for you honey.
I am also going to put it on the list of blogs I lurve, because I can already start feeling the tug of the heart strings.

What was I thinking???

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WOM for August

Ooo-la-la friends it's an exciting morning already!

First, I worked my tail off at the mini mall gym AND I get to inform all you lucky's about Augusts' WOM.

Since I know you value my opinion so much, here is my selection:

This is Pacific Peak Chardonnay. It is full of acidity pleasures. It is on the tart side. Oh the joys of drinking this wine are endless. But I'll let you in on a secret: Where I'm from, it's only 4 bucks! Heeheheheeeheheee How tickled was I when I decided to go out on a limb and grab the prettiest bottle from the very bottom shelf and it proved to be an excellent choice?!?!?!!?

Ok, so maybe I'm over exaggerating my excitement here, but when you find a good wine that is cheap, how can you go wrong, it's practically a no brainer.

So run along friends and go get yourself a bottle, you deserve it, after all, you just read my entire blog posting, that's punishment enough.